I used to punish myself. Losing 40 pounds to get into my wedding dress was an exercise in mental torture so exquisite that I'm still depressed over it. Yes, I looked good in the pictures, but I don't really look like me.
So I've made peace with being a bigger girl. It got easier to do that after my son was born--I did *not* have the brain space to waste on worrying about being thin. I had a baby to care for! I had way better things to do. This has continued as my writing career has developed.
And you know what? It's more fun this way. Instead of worrying about each bite of food, of agonizing over a number on a clothing tag, instead of beating myself up as a complete and total failure as a woman because I can't lose fifteen pounds, I play with my kid. I talk to imaginary people and write their stories down. I discuss the news with my husband. I watch Phineas and Ferb.
|Sarah M. Anderson, in what we're gonna|
call the 'Before' picture.
In other words, I live my life. I walk my dog whenever I can, eat a ton of vegetables, and try (TRY) to eat only one dessert at a time.
The number on the scale keeps creeping up. The pants have gotten tighter. And--and this is the really important part--my weight is affecting my health. I see a doctor for the stress on my knees and back. Her job--and my life--would be easier if I wasn't carrying quite this much weight. And, worst of all, my health is effecting my weight. Several medical conditions and medicines helped me gain 10 pounds in January alone. This is not helping anything.
So, without feeling guilty about me, or my lifestyle, or my self-worth as a woman, I'm trying to lose a little weight and get down to a weight that I can manage. Here's what I'm doing: Romance Biggest Winner. This is a group of romance authors and readers who are working together to cheer each other to a healthier lifestyle. Plus, if I win, I get money!
Here's what I'm not doing: radical fad diets. Eight hours of exercise. Torturing myself. That might help me lose weight in the short-term, but in the long term, I'll abandon those diets and that schedule. I'm trying to make changes that I can live with. Permanently. Can I eat an extra serving of broccoli at lunch instead of toast? Yes. Can I skip lunch for a weight-loss shake? Nope. Not even gonna try.
So I'm aiming for 20 pounds, which is a reasonable number. My doctor and I changed up the meds, so hopefully that will help a little more, too. Either way, I'm going to do my best to eat healthy, walk every day, and eat only *one* dessert at a time.
How about you? Are you making any healthy changes?