Dear Sirs and Madams:
What did I ever do to you?
How can you expect me to take you seriously when your products do not even look good on the stick-thin models you've chosen to showcase them?
Are you aware that heavy, shiny, tight fabrics only magnify the imperfections of the wearer?
Are you aware that not everyone wants to--or should--be in a sleeveless, even strapless--gowns? And that those who want sleeves are not always mothers-of-the-brides?
Are you aware that real women have to pay real money for these dresses?
Where--on God's green earth--would I EVER wear this again?
I implore you. Please, please make something I can wear. I only have eight shopping months left.
Thank you for your time.
The Authorial Mom
(Note: While these dresses are not, shall we say, to my taste, I would like to point out that you may love them. And I'm sure that, on you, they will all be stunning. Really.)
(Note, pt. 2: Also, this is not an all-encompassing list. These are just dresses from sites that would let me copy their pictures. There are many, many bad dresses on certain sites (I'm looking at you, Dessy Group!) that would not allow irritated bloggers to copy and paste their images. You'll just have to gawk at the awfulness on your own.)