Or, alternatively, Ego Goeth Before A Blog.
This . . .
requires some back story.
So, this summer, I finally broke down and joined facebook. (Or is it Facebook? The tab in Google Chrome is upper case, but the facebook logo is lower case. What's an English major to do?) I'm friends with my family, with several authors I've met, just about everyone in my hometown, and, just for good measure, a few complete strangers. I like catching up with old friends. I'm a real out-of-mind, out-of-sight kind of girl, but facebook brings people back into line-of-sight for me.
So when my best friend from high school, Amy Short, showed up on facebook a few months after I did, I was ecstatic. For a long, occasionally tumultuous time in my life (as high school often is), Amy was one of the few people who ever 'got' me. I was glad we found each other again.
Right until she did this to me.
Oh, Amy, why? Why?
Just kidding. Let's review, shall we?
It's hard to get past the glasses, I know. They are whomping HUGE. But dig in a little deeper, okay? If you look carefully, you'll note that I'm wearing an Army-green-but-not-actual-Army-issue jacket over a men's striped, button-up shirt. This was normal for me back in the day, when I would only wear a skirt on special occasions and carried a wallet in my back pocket. That, my friends, is the textbook definition of 'tomboy.'
Yes. I know. You and the rest of the high school all had the same thought. (Which, for the record, is not correct. Wasn't then, isn't now. I just have no fashion sense, as you might have gathered from the recent blogs obsessing on what to wear to conferences.) So, as you can see, I've tried my clueless best to 'girl' up this outfit. Note the stunning long strand of fake pearls just peeking out from the collar, and no, your eyes do not deceive you. That's an ear cuff dangling off the right ear.
Yes. Ear Cuff. What are you looking at?
This is just . . . not an improvement. That's Amy standing next to me, making me look all bad. She's totally smoking hot (even by today's standards) and I look like I'm late for tea at the old folk's home. And yes. I did wear this to homecoming. It was a dress, so it counted. My husband--the love of my life--literally burst out laughing when he saw this picture and then wondered why people didn't schedule some sort of intervention. Stacy and Clinton were busy that year. I think this was 1994.
I must have been overtly fond of those pearls, because there they are again. At least they belong with this dress, unlike the waterproof men's watch I'm wearing. I don't even want to think about the shoes. Oh, the horror. The horror. And I think we can all come to agreement that, based on this photo, I was aware I needed concealer, but I had no idea how to use it. Like nearly all make-up.
Nothing like a blast from the past to make you feel old. This is, hands down, the best picture Amy's seen fit to post of me yet. (Another good friend of ours, Kelly, is in the middle.) I was quite tall for our high school, and yet, when I look at this, two thoughts come to mind. 1) Red is not my color, and 2) Wow. Only one chin!
Ah, the memories.
She's posted more, some not half bad, some the basis for future lawsuits. If you're my friend on facebook, you can come gawk whenever you want. (Please, be nice. This is all in good fun.)
All of this leads me to several inescapable conclusions:
1. High school sucked, but best friends made it tolerable.
2. Joining facebook (Facebook?) was worth it.
3. I was much, much thinner in high school.
4. My hair was super long, too.
and, perhaps most importantly,
5. I dress a hell of a lot better now.